After a baby is born, most moms delight in having a plump, sturdy baby plopped down on their chest.  That was not our reality.  Since Jacob was born over 16 weeks early, after he was born, he was whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  It was over 2 weeks before I got to hold him for the first time and when I did, although my heart and arms were aching for the moment, I was terrified.

For those who do not know our whole story, Jacob and our angel, Logan, were born when we were visiting my parents in Illinois…2200 miles from our home in California.  Bryan had to return home once things were stable to go back to work and I stayed with Jacob in Illinois.

I remember the day I held Jacob for the first time like it was yesterday.  He was so SO small.  He had an IV, PICC line with several ports, sensors and, of course, oxygen.  He had just made his first attempt off the ventilator and had been stable for long enough that the Neonatologist felt he was stable enough to give “Kangaroo Care” a try.  “Kangaroo Care” is when mother or father hold the baby skin to skin.  It is proven to help regulate temperature and heart rate and is very therapeutic to both parent an child.  After all, they’ve been through A LOT to get where they are.

Again, I was thrilled to finally hold my baby, but also terrified.  He was only 12 inches long and had emergency bowel surgery only a week earlier.  To make matters worse, Bryan was back in California, so I couldn’t even share the experience with him.  Although, we certainly tried.  Unfortunately, technology failed us and we couldn’t connect the FaceTime to let him watch it all.  You can hear him in the video running around trying to find a solution.  His tone may sound rough, but he is just frustrated things are not working out.  We made the best of it and had wonderful helpers video the whole experience.  I share it with you now.  Our sweet little fighter when he was so small.

Most families haven’t ever set foot inside a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  We certainly hadn’t before “everything happened.”  And, through our journey, we can now say that we are quite well versed in 3 of them.  The three were very different and each had its pros and cons.

Children’s Hospital of Illinois, St Francis Medical Center, Peoria, IL

This is where it all started.  Our first glimpse into this world.  If this all had to happen, I couldn’t have asked to be at a better place.  The unit was brand new and state of the art.  We even had our own room.  There are not words to describe the how amazing the team is.  They cried with us, celebrated with us, held our hands and, most importantly, truly loved our baby. 

There’s the Neonatologist who came in on his day off to check on us and Jacob after his emergency surgery when he was only a week old. The APN’s who came by our room after their shift just to check on us…and I truly mean us, not just Jacob.  The respiratory therapist who told jokes to keep us smiling. The cardiologist who came back from vacation early to do Jacob’s PDA surgery and, although reluctantly, agreed to recite the song I had written for Jacob to get through this new obstacle.

The Neos, who, every single day, would put up with my million questions as I attempted to get every bit of information into my notes so I could relay it all to Bryan.  The Infectious Disease doctor with his crazy shirts.  The surgeon, who’s gruff shell melted away as he told me what an amazingly strong little boy Jacob was.  The patient support team who worked behind the scenes, not only cheering us on, but helping us get home.  Even the unit secretaries who made sure we had a place to stay on the scary nights and made us feel welcome each day. 

And the nurses.  Oh, the nurses.  They are truly angels on earth.  We had parties when he finally tinkled.

Jacob’s first tinkle after his first surgery. We prayed and sang and waited so long for it!

They taught me how to change his teeny tiny diapers.  The schlepped countless bottles of milk back and forth as I was constantly pumping.  The lifted me up when I was feeling down.  They prayed with us, were scared with us, cheered with us and cried with us when we left.  The checked on us when they were off or working in another neighborhood or unit.  They left us little notes and never minded my calls through the night to check in.  They are our family and always will be. 

The only possible con of this amazing place was its location.  It is 2000 miles from our home and an hour from my parents house.  Bryan had to fly back and forth on weekends and the trips were never easy.  One was such a disaster it took him over 24 hours to get home.  It was incredibly difficult to be separated through this.  I am so grateful to my parents and my extended Illinois family for their support through it all. 

The other NICU’s hardly stood a chance to even compare to CHOI, but they tried.  After 2 months, when Jacob was stable enough, we had to leave…but that’s a story for another day.